Kiss from a Rose
by Ruenna Ortiz
Hindi malaman ni John kung paano sasabihin kay Ayessa ang plano at kung tama ba ang gagawin niya. Kagabi pa niya iniisip ang bagay na ito, pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin niya alam kung paano magsisimulang magsabi dito ng hindi ito mabibigla.
by Ruenna Ortiz
Hindi malaman ni John kung paano sasabihin kay Ayessa ang plano at kung tama ba ang gagawin niya. Kagabi pa niya iniisip ang bagay na ito, pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin niya alam kung paano magsisimulang magsabi dito ng hindi ito mabibigla.
He had started his plan by ordering the dresses from that Manhattan boutique first thing this morning. In his experience, women were always agreeable to almost anything after receiving such gifts. And damn, she looked really breathtaking in the red dress. At sa hindi niya maintindihang dahilan ay lalong sumidhi ang kanyang pagnanais na mapapayag ang babae sa kanyang gusto. Kung talagang matindi ang pangangailangan ni Ayessa sa pera ay siguradong papayag ito sa balak niya.
Huminga muna siya nang malalim at tinitigan ang babae. Nag-alis siya ng bara sa lalamunan saka nagsalita.
"Uhm... Ayessa... I have a proposition to make,” he started. “This may sound crazy to you, but I’m desperate and I know you are, too.”
Nakakunot-noong nakatingin si Ayessa sa kanya habang nagsasalita siya, nagtataka siguro sa mga sinasabi niya.
“Ano ba yon?” tanong nito. “Mukhang kinakabahan ako sa susunod na sasabihin mo, John.”
He took a deep breath and then said, “Marry me.”
“What?!” she exclaimed loudly, nanlaki ang mga matang nakatitig sa kanya.
“I said marry me and I will take care of your problem.”
Nangunot lalo ang noo nito. “But…I don’t understand! We’re not even boyfriend and girlfriend!”
“That’s the point. I don’t wanna marry my girlfriend or any woman right now.”
“I still don’t get it,” she said while shaking her head, looking very confused. “Ayaw mong magpakasal sa kahit kaninong babae. Pero pakakasalan mo ako? Ano ‘yon?”
“Let me explain it to you.” Umupo siya sa malapad na sofa, malapit sa kinauupuan nitong armchair at seryosong tinitigan ang babae. “Okay, I’ll just put it this way. I am going to marry you in paper only. We are not going to live together as husband and wife. You may call it a marriage for convenience. I just need the documents to show my parents that I am already married. Para huminto na sila sa pamimilit sa akin na magpakasal sa anak ng kaibigan nila.
Napalunok ito, kumurap-kurap. “Is that the only reason why?” tanong nito sa mahinang boses.
Yes, he definitely had other reasons but he didn’t care to elaborate it to her now. Siya mismo ay nalilito sa kanyang sarili. He needed time to figure things out. But his problem with his parents needed immediate solution.
“Yes. I hope it’s okay with you,” simpleng sagot niya. He knew he sounded like a businessman. But weren’t they discussing business?
Hindi nagsalita si Ayessa, pero nababasa niya sa mga mata nito ang mga katanungan kaya’t nagpatuloy siya.
“We will be married for a few months only. Pagkatapos ay magdi-divorce din tayo. Sa araw ng kasal ay pipirmahan din natin ang divorce papers. Ang lawyer ko na ang bahalang mag-file niyon.” Huminto siya upang tingnan ang reaksiyon nito. When she said nothing, he continued, “And in return I will give you seventy-five thousand dollars. I think that would be enough to pay your family’s debt.”
Hindi nakapagsalita si Ayessa pagkarinig sa napakalaking halaga. Mabilis siyang nagkwenta sa isip. Alam niyang sapat iyon sa kanilang pangangailangan at may sosobra pa! Mapapalampas ba niya ang pagkakataong iyon, tanong niya sa sarili.
Alam niyang hinihintay ni John ang sagot niya sa alok nito. Ano kaya ang iisipin nito sa kanya kung tatanggapin niya ang alok nito? Pero siya, ano pa ba ang dapat niyang isipin? Iyon na ang pinakamadaling kalutasan sa kanilang problema. Hindi na niya kailangang mag-isip.
“Hindi kita pipilitin kung ayaw mo. Pero pag-isipan mong mabuti. Malaking halaga ang ibibigay ko sa iyo. Makakabalik ka na sa Pilipinas, mababayaran mo pa ang mga utang ninyo ng walang kahirap-hirap.”
“What’s gonna to happen after the wedding?” she suddenly asked him.
“We will not see each other again as there’s no more need. You will go on with your life and I with mine.”
Tumango lang siya sa narinig. Oo nga at masaya siya dahil malulutas na ang problema nila. Ngunit sa puso niya ay hindi niya maiwasang malungkot sa nalamang wala na itong balak na makita siya pagkatapos ng kasal nila. Pero wala siyang sinabi. Wala siyang karapatang magreklamo.
“Kailan tayo magpapakasal?” tanong na lang niya. Nakita niyang nagliwanag ang mukha ni John sa desisyon niya.
“In two days’ time. Kung walang magiging problema, pupunta tayo sa Las Vegas para mabilis.”
“Ikaw ang bahala. Mukhang planado mo ng lahat ang dapat gawin,” she said, trying to sound casual.
John nodded, staring at her face. Sana’y hindi nito mahalata ang lungkot na nararamdaman niya sa kabila ng grasyang biglang dumating sa kanya.
Malalim na nag-iisip si Ayessa kung paano nalaman ni John ang problema niya. Kung hindi lang siya gipit, malabo niyang tanggapin ang alok sa kanya. Ano na lang ang iisipin nito, na mukha siyang pera. Malamang ay ‘yon na nga yon. Pero bahala na ito kung ano man ang gustong isipin sa kanya. Hindi naman niya hiningi ang ibibigay nito. Ang mahalaga sa kanya ngayon ay ang mga magulang niya.
Little White Chapel, Las Vegas Nevada
Sikat ang chapel na iyon dahil sa dami ng mga nagpapakasal doon, mula sa mga karaniwang tao hanggang sa mga sikat na artista sa Hollywood. Pwedeng sa loob ng chapel o sa drive through ang kasal at napakabilis ng seremonya. Katulad ng kasal nila ngayon.
Ayessa was wearing an off-shoulder white dress, very simple and it fitted perfectly on her. Binili ni John iyon sa kanya. Nagsuot din siya ng puting sandals na sale niya nabili. Ang white dress lang ang pinakamahal sa suot niya, courtesy of her groom.
Tiningnan niya ang sarili sa salamin sa loob ng dressing room sa chapel. Naglagay siya ng light make-up. Hinayaan lang niya ang mahabang buhok na nakalugay. Hindi rin niya isinuot ang kanyang eyeglasses. Gumamit siya ng contact lenses. She looked pristine and…innocent. She blushed at the thought. As if this was a real wedding where her innocence would matter to her groom.
But nevertheless, she felt really beautiful that day. She was marrying John! She could pretend, even for just a day that they were marrying for love and not for convenience.
Sa labas ay hindi mapakali si John. Pakiramdam niya ay bibitayin siya anumang oras.
Be cool man, you were the one who suggested it. Just think that this is only a pretend marriage. Yes, it is legal and binding. But this is not the real thing and this is for your own good! he reminded himself. Why he was so nervous, he didn’t know. Pakiramdam talaga niya ay ikakasal siya nang totohanan. Kung hindi nga lang niya alam ang totoo!
May nagsabi sa kanyang mag-uumpisa na ang seremonya. Wala sa loob na napatingin siya sa dressing room kung saan manggagaling si Ayessa, na sa mga sandaling iyon ay papalabas na. Napatunganga siya nang makita ang babae.
John’s heart beat faster the moment he saw his bride. First time niyang kinabahan nang ganoon pagkakita lang sa isang babae. And that strange feeling he couldn’t understand surrounded him again. He tried his best to ignore it. He reminded himself, that he didn’t want it and didn’t need it at this moment. But he couldn’t take his eyes away from her while she was walking toward him. Parang gusto niyang hilain ang babae para lang mapadaling makalapit sa kanya.
Bahagyang nakayuko si Ayessa at hindi siya tinitingnan nito habang papalapit ito sa kanya. Ano kaya ang nararamdaman nito sa mga sandaling yon? Katulad din kaya ng nararamdaman niya?
Magkatabi na sila ay nakayuko pa rin si Ayessa. Pareho silang nakikinig sa naka-Elvis costume na magkakasal sa kanila, parang kapwa sila nagpapakiramdaman. Nang mag-umpisa ng magtanong si Elvis ay pareho silang napatingin sa isat-isa. They stared at each other like nobody was around, just the two of them, in their own world. They uttered their vows solemnly, promising to love each other until death. John could have sworn during that moment that he meant every word in those vows.
“You may kiss the bride.”
Again, they stared at each other for a long time. She was now his bride. He was her husband now. He felt suddenly very possessive of her. And Elvis had just given him permission to kiss her.
John’s face slowly descended to kiss her. He wanted the kiss to be quick. But then, the moment his lips touched Ayessa’s, he felt that hot electrifying heat run all over his body. And just like that, he forgot everything. That very moment, all he wanted to do was kiss her completely, and he did. He did it slowly, tenderly. He was enjoying that simple kiss. He had kissed so many women, but none had made him feel like this, like he was kissing a woman for the very first time and he could go on doing this forever. Why did he feel like this now and why with this woman, he didn’t know. It was a very strange feeling for him.
Stop, it’s not right, his voice of reason said. Don’t stop, a bigger part of him objected.
Doon siya natigilan. He abruptly ended the kiss, feeling angry at his confusing thoughts and feelings.
Why? Because you had been kissed by a rose, so lethal so potent. It’s endangering your precious freedom, man! the rational voice in his mind taunted him. He groaned inwardly at the thought.
Ayessa felt her face heat up in embarrassment when John ended their kiss and let go of her.
It was her first kiss. She loved it so much she didn’t want it to end. Lalo na ng maalalang iyon na marahil ang una at huling mahahalikan niya ang lalaki. Para siyang nakalutang sa hangin, nagpapadala sa kahit saan gustuhin nitong pumunta. Nakakadarang ang init ng katawan nito, na para bang tumutulay sa buo niyang pagkatao. Kaya nagulat pa siya nang bigla siyang bitiwan ni John na para itong napaso at natauhan bigla. Hindi man dapat ay nasaktan siya sa ginawa nito.
Parang wala na siya sa sarili nang matapos ang kasal. Hanggang sa makasakay na sila sa limo na nirentahan si John ay hindi sila nag-uusap.
Ayessa was playing the ring on her finger. Hindi niya alam na bumili pa pala si John ng wedding rings nila. It was a simple platinum gold band ring, no expensive stone. Gusto sana niyang hubarin iyon upang tingnan kung nakaukit doon ang pangalan ng lalaki. Pero hindi niya ginawa. Mahahalata siya. She was thinking if she should give it back to him. She knew it was expensive kahit ganoon kasimple. Mamaya na lang siguro pagbalik nila sa hotel.
John finally talked to her when they reached the hotel where they were billeted.
“Are you hungry?” tanong nito.
“No. But if you wanna eat, it’s okay,” she said, not looking at him.
“I just want you to know, that I’m really grateful for what you did.” He stopped for a moment. “I deposited the money in your bank in the Philippines. So you don’t have to worry about declaring it when you go home, you know,” he said, trying to lighten up their conversation.
“Thank you.” Nginitian niya ito. May nababasa siya sa mga mata nito, pero ayaw niyang bigyang kahulugan. Dahil malabong nalulungkot din ito sa paghihiwalay nila. Baka nagsisisi na nga ito sa nangyari at nanghihinayang na sa malaking perang ibinigay sa kanya.
They went to a gourmet restaurant. The food looked delicious. Pero wala siyang ganang kumain. Pero napinsin niya ganoon din ang kanyang asawa. Asawa? saway niya sa sarili. But then, yes, he was her husband today. She would let herself believe that, just for today.
“Don’t you like the food?” John asked.
“Okay lang.” Pinilit niyang ngumiti. “Hindi lang siguro ako sanay kumain ng mga ganitong klase ng pagkain. Pang turo-turo lang ako” sabi niya na may kasamang biro.
Napatitig si John sa kanya nang ngumiti siya. She saw him sigh. “We can go somewhere else if you want. I know a place just minutes away from here. It’s a Filipino restaurant called Pinoy Pinay. I’ve never been there, but if you want, we can go there, too.”
She shook her head. “Oh no, I’m okay, really,” she said. “I’m just excited to go home after this,” sabi pa niya na nakayuko ang ulo.
Naubo si John at uminom ng tubig. “So, what are your plans when you get home? Do you have any?” he asked.
“None yet. But I will look for a job or maybe start my own business.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure yet.” But one thing is for sure, John, I don’t know if I can forget you easily.
“Do you wanna watch Celine Dion’s concert?” biglang tanong ni John.
Napatingin si Ayessa dito. Alam niyang may show ang international singer sa Caesar’s Palace Hotel and Casino. Alam din niyang malapit ng matapos ang mga shows nito doon. Paborito niya ang naturang singer.
“Can we?!” Nawala ang lungkot niya at napalitan ng excitement. Ni sa panaginip ay hindi niya akalain na makakapanood siya ng concert ni Celine!
“Yes! I have two tickets ready, so we better go or else, hindi na natin mapapanood sa umpisa ang concert,” anito na nahalata niyang sumigla rin ang mood.
It was the best concert she had ever attended. Halos lahat yata ng kanta ni Celine ay alam ni Ayessa. Maliban na lang syempre sa French songs nito. Enjoy na enjoy siya. Ang galing-galing talaga nitong kumanta.
Niyaya si Ayessa ni John na mag-casino pagkatapos manood ng concert. Pumayag din siya dahil ayaw pa niyang matapos ang gabing kasama niya ang lalaki.
Naupo sila sa isang high roller table. Nagulat siya sa laki ng pustahan doon, dahil first time niya ring makapasok sa ganoong lugar. Pinapanood lang niya si John. Madalas ay talo ito, pero mukhang walang anuman dito kung magkano na ang naipatalo. Dalawang chips na lang ang hawak nito ng nilingon siya.
“Here, it’s your turn!” sabay bigay sa kanya ng chips.
Umiling siya. “No! I don’t know how to play.”
“Just try it, who knows! May first time luck daw sa mga baguhan,” pamimilit nito sa kanya. “Just place those chips to the ones you like.”
Kinakabahang inilibot niya ang mata. Then she placed a bet.
Hindi siya makapaniwala ng tumama ang taya niya. Napasigaw siya at sa sobrang tuwa ay nayakap niya si John, na tuwang-tuwa rin. Kapwa sila natigilan, nagkatitigan. Kapwa mabilis ding naghiwalay.
She placed another bet and won again, then another one and won again. Pero nang mag-bet ulit siya at natalo ay ayaw na niyang tumaya ulit. Nanghihinayang siya sa perang maaring mawala pa sa kanya.
She won more than fifteen thousand dollars. Well, minus the big slash of tax. Still she had more than nine. Masayang ibinigay niya ang pera kay John.
“Here is your money, John. Salamat sa pagbibigay mo sa akin ng chips kanina.”
“No , keep it. It’s yours.”
“Are you sure? Malaki na rin naman ang napanalunan ko. Tama na yon,” at muling iniabot ang pera.” Here.”
“I mean it, Ayessa. It’s yours, okay?” anito sa mariing tinig.
“Thank you.” ‘Yon na lang ang nasabi niya.
It was past mid-night when they returned to their own suite in Bellagio. Wala silang imikan, kapwa malalim ang iniisip. They went straight to John’s suite. May taong naghihintay sa kanila, isang abogado. More or less ay alam na ni Ayessa kung ano ang ginagawa nito doon.
Nalaman ni Ayessa na at the most, she will only be Mrs. Yap for six months only. May kundisyon din na huwag daw muna siyang mag-aasawa o makipag-relasyon sa loob ng anim na buwan.
Pagpasok pa lang nila ay ipinaliwanag na sa kanya ang tungkol sa mga papeles na kailangan niyang pirmahan. Iyon ang kanilang divorce paper.
Gusto sana ni Ayessa na tanungin si John, paano kung hanapin siya ng pamilya nito, ano ang isasagot ng lalaki. Pero hindi niya magawang magsalita, kaya nakinig na lang siya. Napansin din niya sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata na nakatingin lang sa kanya ang asawa.
Matapos ang paliwanag ay iniabot sa kanya ng lawyer ang divorce papers upang pirmahan. After a few months ay ipa-file na iyon.
Tiningnan muna niya si John ng ilang sandali, at sa nanginginig na kamay ay pinirmahan iyon. Pagkatapos ay mabilis na siyang nagpaalam na magpapahinga na. Dahil kung magtatagal pa siya roon ay iiyak na siya sa sobrang sama ng loob at hindi niya malaman kung bakit. Ini-expect naman na niya iyon. Pero nasasaktan siya sa nangyayari.
And then in her heart, she knew and she finally acknowledged it. She fell in love with her husband in such a short amount of time. Pag-ibig na kahit ngayon pa lang niya naramdaman ay alam niyang matindi. Naidasal na lang niya na makayanan niya ang nakatakdang paghihiwalay nila ngayon pa lang. Dahil kahit wala naman talaga silang tunay na relasyon ay nasasaktan na siya.
Mabilis siyang lumabas ng hotel room ng lalaki, dahil hindi na siya makahinga sa reyalisasyon sa isip niya. Papasok na sana siya sa sariling suite nang marinig niyang tinatawag siya ni John.
“Ayessa!”
Mabilis itong nakalapit sa kanya. “Look. I’m sorry. You knew this is gonna to happen…”
“I know John... And you don’t have to say sorry,” she said, pilit ginagawang kaswal ang tinig. “I should be the one to say thank you, dahil sa perang ibinigay mo. Tama ka, malaking tulong iyon sa problema ng pamilya ko,” she said with utmost sincerity. “Thank you, really.”
He stared at her, like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. They just stood there for awhile, staring at each other, only their eyes talking, parehong pinagsasawa ang mga mata sa isat-isa.
“I have to go,” she said after awhile. “I’m so tired and I know you are, too.” At mabilis siyang pumasok sa suite niya.
Naiwan si John na matagal na nakatayo lang sa labas ng pinto, nagtatalo ang isip kung ano ang gagawin. The woman affected him like nobody else and it was driving him crazy. He didn’t want any emotional attachment with a woman right now. He knew if he let himself, it will complicate his current lifestyle. All he wanted was to enjoy his life to the fullest. That was why he didn’t want to obey his urge to go to her. He literally restrained himself and just stared at the door of her suite.
Ayessa was inside her suite, leaning at the door. Still holding the door knob she prayed that John wouldn’t knock or call her name. Alam niyang bibigay siya kung ano man ang gusto nitong mangyari. Dahil nabasa niya kanina sa mga mata nito ang matinding pangangailangan para sa kanya. She saw something in his eyes. He wanted her, just like she wanted him.
Mayamaya ay naramdaman ni Ayessa ang pag-alis ng lalaki. She peeped on the door hole and saw he was gone. But she wanted to see him for the last time. She slowly opened the door, hoping she could steal a glimpse of him before he entered his room.
Nagulat pa siya ng mukha ni John ang nakita niya sa pagbukas ng pinto. Nakasandal ito sa gilid kaya hindi niya nasilip kanina. His face was so close, she could feel his breath on her face and he was staring at her like he was surprised to see her again.
John could smell her sweet scent assaulting not only his senses but his whole being. He wasted no time and claimed her mouth in a heated kiss.
God... she smells so good, her lips so soft and so sweet... He slowly pushed her inside and kicked the door closed behind him while he continued kissing her thoroughly.
“John... please...” she said softly when he let her lips go so they both can both breathe.
John stared Ayessa’s beautiful face, the raw desire coursing though his body increasing with his every breath. “I want you....” he declared. But he knew too that he should stop this now. God help him, but how?
He couldn’t control himself anymore. He kissed her again. He wanted to touch and kiss every part of her. His hand found her breast while the other hand unzipped her dress, dragging the fabric down her shoulders. He unhooked her bra. His mouth left hers, slowly making its way downwards, leaving a trail of wet kisses on her face and neck.
He heard her soft moan when his lips came in contact with her bosom. He licked one soft, firm breast, almost bit that dark pink bud at the center, and then, he sucked it. She moaned louder. He did the same with the other one, ‘til her hands were clutching his hair tightly.
“God, I want you…I want you, baby…”
Ayessa was feverish with desire but hearing John’s hoarse voice brought back a fraction of her sanity. She knew this wasn’t right even though she admitted to herself that she loved him. She needed to stop this before she lost herself completely to those unbelievable sensations this man was giving her, before she drowned completely with him, no matter how much she wanted him, too.
“Is this part of the payment too, John?”
Naramdaman niya ang pagkatigalgal nito, nahinto sa ginagawa. Tinitigan siya na parang hindi nito naintindihan ang sinabi niya, mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa kanyang mga braso.
Then, as fast as a lightning he was out of the room. Out of her life, forever. She couldn’t believe the pain she felt, the loss of him, the painful realization that she and John had no future together.
Umiyak ng umiyak si Ayessa. Kung sinabi lang sana ni John na may nararamdaman din ito sa kanya kahit kaunti lang. Kahit siguro pagkukunwari lang, alam niya bibigay siya sa gusto nito. She loved him so much!
Hindi niya alam na sa pagpunta niya sa Amerika ay mararanasan niya ang umibig at mabigo nang sabay. Sa mahabang sandali ng kanyang pagdadalamhati ay may nabuong balak.
Aalis na siya. Hindi na magpapakita sa lalaki. Dahil kung makikita niya pa niya ito bukas ay malamang na malaman na rin nito ang tunay niyang nararamdaman. Hindi na niya kaya pang magkunwari. Baka hindi niya kayanin kapag sabihin nito na wala itong pagtingin sa kanya.
Tiningnan niya ang oras. It was almost five in the morning. Kailangan na niyang kumilos.
John was in his own suite, still wide awake and thinking about the things that transpired earlier, starting with the wedding ceremony. He couldn’t forget Ayessa’s face without her eyeglasses, wearing the white dress he’d bought for her. See looked so beautiful and so innocent as she walked toward him to the mini-altar, and for a moment, he totally lost himself. Pakiramdam niya ay sila lamang ang naroon sa chapel and he let himself fantasize that they were marrying because they loved each other. But of course they were foolish thoughts. He had married her to avoid marrying another woman! He should never forget his reason for marrying her.
Buong araw ay pinilit niyang balewalain ang presensya ni Ayessa. But it was very hard. She was a powerful force that constantly pulled at his attention. He tried to rationalize that he was just a man reacting normally to a beautiful woman. Pero niloloko niya ang sarili. Hindi siya takot sa tawag ng kanyang puson, kundi sa tawag ng kanyang damdamin. He was afraid because he had never felt such intense feelings for anybody, particularly for a woman. Only now. With Ayessa. And he didn’t like it, not a bit. But all he wanted to do all day was to make love to her, to make love to his wife.
Wife. Natawa siya. Hindi niya matanggap kung bakit magaan sa damdamin niya ang isiping asawa na niya si Ayessa, na totoong mag-asawa na sila. Marahil ay iyon ang dahilan kaya hindi na niya napigil ang sarili kanina. Dahil alam niyang legal silang mag-asawa, that somehow gave him license to touch her…
Napapikit siya nang maalala ang maamong mukha nito, ang mabangong hininga, ang malambot na katawan na alam niyang hindi niya makakalimutan sa mga darating na araw.
Fuck! For the first time in his life, a woman occupied his mind all day and all night.
Nang magising siya kinabukasan, nalaman niyang wala na si Ayessa. For awhile, he felt panic and he wanted to tear the whole place down looking for her. She had left him!
But reason returned fast. Mabuti na ring umalis na ito. Iyon lang din ang dapat na mangyari, ang hindi na sila magkita pa. Ayaw man niyang aminin, pero sumama ang loob niya nang hindi ito nagpaalam sa kanya. Pero bakit inaasahan pa niya ‘yon, pagkatapos ng nangyari sa kanila kagabi? Dapat ay magsaya siya. He was still a free man. Kasal sila pero nasa kanya lahat ang kapangyarihan para mapawalang-bisa ang kasal na iyon.
He decided to celebrate by going to the Palms Playboy. Nakapalibot sa kanya ang mga nagseseksihang mga bunnies pero mukha lang ni Ayessa ang nakikita niya, wala ng iba.
Ayessa. His wife. His soon to be ex-wife.
Huminga muna siya nang malalim at tinitigan ang babae. Nag-alis siya ng bara sa lalamunan saka nagsalita.
"Uhm... Ayessa... I have a proposition to make,” he started. “This may sound crazy to you, but I’m desperate and I know you are, too.”
Nakakunot-noong nakatingin si Ayessa sa kanya habang nagsasalita siya, nagtataka siguro sa mga sinasabi niya.
“Ano ba yon?” tanong nito. “Mukhang kinakabahan ako sa susunod na sasabihin mo, John.”
He took a deep breath and then said, “Marry me.”
“What?!” she exclaimed loudly, nanlaki ang mga matang nakatitig sa kanya.
“I said marry me and I will take care of your problem.”
Nangunot lalo ang noo nito. “But…I don’t understand! We’re not even boyfriend and girlfriend!”
“That’s the point. I don’t wanna marry my girlfriend or any woman right now.”
“I still don’t get it,” she said while shaking her head, looking very confused. “Ayaw mong magpakasal sa kahit kaninong babae. Pero pakakasalan mo ako? Ano ‘yon?”
“Let me explain it to you.” Umupo siya sa malapad na sofa, malapit sa kinauupuan nitong armchair at seryosong tinitigan ang babae. “Okay, I’ll just put it this way. I am going to marry you in paper only. We are not going to live together as husband and wife. You may call it a marriage for convenience. I just need the documents to show my parents that I am already married. Para huminto na sila sa pamimilit sa akin na magpakasal sa anak ng kaibigan nila.
Napalunok ito, kumurap-kurap. “Is that the only reason why?” tanong nito sa mahinang boses.
Yes, he definitely had other reasons but he didn’t care to elaborate it to her now. Siya mismo ay nalilito sa kanyang sarili. He needed time to figure things out. But his problem with his parents needed immediate solution.
“Yes. I hope it’s okay with you,” simpleng sagot niya. He knew he sounded like a businessman. But weren’t they discussing business?
Hindi nagsalita si Ayessa, pero nababasa niya sa mga mata nito ang mga katanungan kaya’t nagpatuloy siya.
“We will be married for a few months only. Pagkatapos ay magdi-divorce din tayo. Sa araw ng kasal ay pipirmahan din natin ang divorce papers. Ang lawyer ko na ang bahalang mag-file niyon.” Huminto siya upang tingnan ang reaksiyon nito. When she said nothing, he continued, “And in return I will give you seventy-five thousand dollars. I think that would be enough to pay your family’s debt.”
Hindi nakapagsalita si Ayessa pagkarinig sa napakalaking halaga. Mabilis siyang nagkwenta sa isip. Alam niyang sapat iyon sa kanilang pangangailangan at may sosobra pa! Mapapalampas ba niya ang pagkakataong iyon, tanong niya sa sarili.
Alam niyang hinihintay ni John ang sagot niya sa alok nito. Ano kaya ang iisipin nito sa kanya kung tatanggapin niya ang alok nito? Pero siya, ano pa ba ang dapat niyang isipin? Iyon na ang pinakamadaling kalutasan sa kanilang problema. Hindi na niya kailangang mag-isip.
“Hindi kita pipilitin kung ayaw mo. Pero pag-isipan mong mabuti. Malaking halaga ang ibibigay ko sa iyo. Makakabalik ka na sa Pilipinas, mababayaran mo pa ang mga utang ninyo ng walang kahirap-hirap.”
“What’s gonna to happen after the wedding?” she suddenly asked him.
“We will not see each other again as there’s no more need. You will go on with your life and I with mine.”
Tumango lang siya sa narinig. Oo nga at masaya siya dahil malulutas na ang problema nila. Ngunit sa puso niya ay hindi niya maiwasang malungkot sa nalamang wala na itong balak na makita siya pagkatapos ng kasal nila. Pero wala siyang sinabi. Wala siyang karapatang magreklamo.
“Kailan tayo magpapakasal?” tanong na lang niya. Nakita niyang nagliwanag ang mukha ni John sa desisyon niya.
“In two days’ time. Kung walang magiging problema, pupunta tayo sa Las Vegas para mabilis.”
“Ikaw ang bahala. Mukhang planado mo ng lahat ang dapat gawin,” she said, trying to sound casual.
John nodded, staring at her face. Sana’y hindi nito mahalata ang lungkot na nararamdaman niya sa kabila ng grasyang biglang dumating sa kanya.
Malalim na nag-iisip si Ayessa kung paano nalaman ni John ang problema niya. Kung hindi lang siya gipit, malabo niyang tanggapin ang alok sa kanya. Ano na lang ang iisipin nito, na mukha siyang pera. Malamang ay ‘yon na nga yon. Pero bahala na ito kung ano man ang gustong isipin sa kanya. Hindi naman niya hiningi ang ibibigay nito. Ang mahalaga sa kanya ngayon ay ang mga magulang niya.
Little White Chapel, Las Vegas Nevada
Sikat ang chapel na iyon dahil sa dami ng mga nagpapakasal doon, mula sa mga karaniwang tao hanggang sa mga sikat na artista sa Hollywood. Pwedeng sa loob ng chapel o sa drive through ang kasal at napakabilis ng seremonya. Katulad ng kasal nila ngayon.
Ayessa was wearing an off-shoulder white dress, very simple and it fitted perfectly on her. Binili ni John iyon sa kanya. Nagsuot din siya ng puting sandals na sale niya nabili. Ang white dress lang ang pinakamahal sa suot niya, courtesy of her groom.
Tiningnan niya ang sarili sa salamin sa loob ng dressing room sa chapel. Naglagay siya ng light make-up. Hinayaan lang niya ang mahabang buhok na nakalugay. Hindi rin niya isinuot ang kanyang eyeglasses. Gumamit siya ng contact lenses. She looked pristine and…innocent. She blushed at the thought. As if this was a real wedding where her innocence would matter to her groom.
But nevertheless, she felt really beautiful that day. She was marrying John! She could pretend, even for just a day that they were marrying for love and not for convenience.
Sa labas ay hindi mapakali si John. Pakiramdam niya ay bibitayin siya anumang oras.
Be cool man, you were the one who suggested it. Just think that this is only a pretend marriage. Yes, it is legal and binding. But this is not the real thing and this is for your own good! he reminded himself. Why he was so nervous, he didn’t know. Pakiramdam talaga niya ay ikakasal siya nang totohanan. Kung hindi nga lang niya alam ang totoo!
May nagsabi sa kanyang mag-uumpisa na ang seremonya. Wala sa loob na napatingin siya sa dressing room kung saan manggagaling si Ayessa, na sa mga sandaling iyon ay papalabas na. Napatunganga siya nang makita ang babae.
John’s heart beat faster the moment he saw his bride. First time niyang kinabahan nang ganoon pagkakita lang sa isang babae. And that strange feeling he couldn’t understand surrounded him again. He tried his best to ignore it. He reminded himself, that he didn’t want it and didn’t need it at this moment. But he couldn’t take his eyes away from her while she was walking toward him. Parang gusto niyang hilain ang babae para lang mapadaling makalapit sa kanya.
Bahagyang nakayuko si Ayessa at hindi siya tinitingnan nito habang papalapit ito sa kanya. Ano kaya ang nararamdaman nito sa mga sandaling yon? Katulad din kaya ng nararamdaman niya?
Magkatabi na sila ay nakayuko pa rin si Ayessa. Pareho silang nakikinig sa naka-Elvis costume na magkakasal sa kanila, parang kapwa sila nagpapakiramdaman. Nang mag-umpisa ng magtanong si Elvis ay pareho silang napatingin sa isat-isa. They stared at each other like nobody was around, just the two of them, in their own world. They uttered their vows solemnly, promising to love each other until death. John could have sworn during that moment that he meant every word in those vows.
“You may kiss the bride.”
Again, they stared at each other for a long time. She was now his bride. He was her husband now. He felt suddenly very possessive of her. And Elvis had just given him permission to kiss her.
John’s face slowly descended to kiss her. He wanted the kiss to be quick. But then, the moment his lips touched Ayessa’s, he felt that hot electrifying heat run all over his body. And just like that, he forgot everything. That very moment, all he wanted to do was kiss her completely, and he did. He did it slowly, tenderly. He was enjoying that simple kiss. He had kissed so many women, but none had made him feel like this, like he was kissing a woman for the very first time and he could go on doing this forever. Why did he feel like this now and why with this woman, he didn’t know. It was a very strange feeling for him.
Stop, it’s not right, his voice of reason said. Don’t stop, a bigger part of him objected.
Doon siya natigilan. He abruptly ended the kiss, feeling angry at his confusing thoughts and feelings.
Why? Because you had been kissed by a rose, so lethal so potent. It’s endangering your precious freedom, man! the rational voice in his mind taunted him. He groaned inwardly at the thought.
Ayessa felt her face heat up in embarrassment when John ended their kiss and let go of her.
It was her first kiss. She loved it so much she didn’t want it to end. Lalo na ng maalalang iyon na marahil ang una at huling mahahalikan niya ang lalaki. Para siyang nakalutang sa hangin, nagpapadala sa kahit saan gustuhin nitong pumunta. Nakakadarang ang init ng katawan nito, na para bang tumutulay sa buo niyang pagkatao. Kaya nagulat pa siya nang bigla siyang bitiwan ni John na para itong napaso at natauhan bigla. Hindi man dapat ay nasaktan siya sa ginawa nito.
Parang wala na siya sa sarili nang matapos ang kasal. Hanggang sa makasakay na sila sa limo na nirentahan si John ay hindi sila nag-uusap.
Ayessa was playing the ring on her finger. Hindi niya alam na bumili pa pala si John ng wedding rings nila. It was a simple platinum gold band ring, no expensive stone. Gusto sana niyang hubarin iyon upang tingnan kung nakaukit doon ang pangalan ng lalaki. Pero hindi niya ginawa. Mahahalata siya. She was thinking if she should give it back to him. She knew it was expensive kahit ganoon kasimple. Mamaya na lang siguro pagbalik nila sa hotel.
John finally talked to her when they reached the hotel where they were billeted.
“Are you hungry?” tanong nito.
“No. But if you wanna eat, it’s okay,” she said, not looking at him.
“I just want you to know, that I’m really grateful for what you did.” He stopped for a moment. “I deposited the money in your bank in the Philippines. So you don’t have to worry about declaring it when you go home, you know,” he said, trying to lighten up their conversation.
“Thank you.” Nginitian niya ito. May nababasa siya sa mga mata nito, pero ayaw niyang bigyang kahulugan. Dahil malabong nalulungkot din ito sa paghihiwalay nila. Baka nagsisisi na nga ito sa nangyari at nanghihinayang na sa malaking perang ibinigay sa kanya.
They went to a gourmet restaurant. The food looked delicious. Pero wala siyang ganang kumain. Pero napinsin niya ganoon din ang kanyang asawa. Asawa? saway niya sa sarili. But then, yes, he was her husband today. She would let herself believe that, just for today.
“Don’t you like the food?” John asked.
“Okay lang.” Pinilit niyang ngumiti. “Hindi lang siguro ako sanay kumain ng mga ganitong klase ng pagkain. Pang turo-turo lang ako” sabi niya na may kasamang biro.
Napatitig si John sa kanya nang ngumiti siya. She saw him sigh. “We can go somewhere else if you want. I know a place just minutes away from here. It’s a Filipino restaurant called Pinoy Pinay. I’ve never been there, but if you want, we can go there, too.”
She shook her head. “Oh no, I’m okay, really,” she said. “I’m just excited to go home after this,” sabi pa niya na nakayuko ang ulo.
Naubo si John at uminom ng tubig. “So, what are your plans when you get home? Do you have any?” he asked.
“None yet. But I will look for a job or maybe start my own business.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure yet.” But one thing is for sure, John, I don’t know if I can forget you easily.
“Do you wanna watch Celine Dion’s concert?” biglang tanong ni John.
Napatingin si Ayessa dito. Alam niyang may show ang international singer sa Caesar’s Palace Hotel and Casino. Alam din niyang malapit ng matapos ang mga shows nito doon. Paborito niya ang naturang singer.
“Can we?!” Nawala ang lungkot niya at napalitan ng excitement. Ni sa panaginip ay hindi niya akalain na makakapanood siya ng concert ni Celine!
“Yes! I have two tickets ready, so we better go or else, hindi na natin mapapanood sa umpisa ang concert,” anito na nahalata niyang sumigla rin ang mood.
It was the best concert she had ever attended. Halos lahat yata ng kanta ni Celine ay alam ni Ayessa. Maliban na lang syempre sa French songs nito. Enjoy na enjoy siya. Ang galing-galing talaga nitong kumanta.
Niyaya si Ayessa ni John na mag-casino pagkatapos manood ng concert. Pumayag din siya dahil ayaw pa niyang matapos ang gabing kasama niya ang lalaki.
Naupo sila sa isang high roller table. Nagulat siya sa laki ng pustahan doon, dahil first time niya ring makapasok sa ganoong lugar. Pinapanood lang niya si John. Madalas ay talo ito, pero mukhang walang anuman dito kung magkano na ang naipatalo. Dalawang chips na lang ang hawak nito ng nilingon siya.
“Here, it’s your turn!” sabay bigay sa kanya ng chips.
Umiling siya. “No! I don’t know how to play.”
“Just try it, who knows! May first time luck daw sa mga baguhan,” pamimilit nito sa kanya. “Just place those chips to the ones you like.”
Kinakabahang inilibot niya ang mata. Then she placed a bet.
Hindi siya makapaniwala ng tumama ang taya niya. Napasigaw siya at sa sobrang tuwa ay nayakap niya si John, na tuwang-tuwa rin. Kapwa sila natigilan, nagkatitigan. Kapwa mabilis ding naghiwalay.
She placed another bet and won again, then another one and won again. Pero nang mag-bet ulit siya at natalo ay ayaw na niyang tumaya ulit. Nanghihinayang siya sa perang maaring mawala pa sa kanya.
She won more than fifteen thousand dollars. Well, minus the big slash of tax. Still she had more than nine. Masayang ibinigay niya ang pera kay John.
“Here is your money, John. Salamat sa pagbibigay mo sa akin ng chips kanina.”
“No , keep it. It’s yours.”
“Are you sure? Malaki na rin naman ang napanalunan ko. Tama na yon,” at muling iniabot ang pera.” Here.”
“I mean it, Ayessa. It’s yours, okay?” anito sa mariing tinig.
“Thank you.” ‘Yon na lang ang nasabi niya.
It was past mid-night when they returned to their own suite in Bellagio. Wala silang imikan, kapwa malalim ang iniisip. They went straight to John’s suite. May taong naghihintay sa kanila, isang abogado. More or less ay alam na ni Ayessa kung ano ang ginagawa nito doon.
Nalaman ni Ayessa na at the most, she will only be Mrs. Yap for six months only. May kundisyon din na huwag daw muna siyang mag-aasawa o makipag-relasyon sa loob ng anim na buwan.
Pagpasok pa lang nila ay ipinaliwanag na sa kanya ang tungkol sa mga papeles na kailangan niyang pirmahan. Iyon ang kanilang divorce paper.
Gusto sana ni Ayessa na tanungin si John, paano kung hanapin siya ng pamilya nito, ano ang isasagot ng lalaki. Pero hindi niya magawang magsalita, kaya nakinig na lang siya. Napansin din niya sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata na nakatingin lang sa kanya ang asawa.
Matapos ang paliwanag ay iniabot sa kanya ng lawyer ang divorce papers upang pirmahan. After a few months ay ipa-file na iyon.
Tiningnan muna niya si John ng ilang sandali, at sa nanginginig na kamay ay pinirmahan iyon. Pagkatapos ay mabilis na siyang nagpaalam na magpapahinga na. Dahil kung magtatagal pa siya roon ay iiyak na siya sa sobrang sama ng loob at hindi niya malaman kung bakit. Ini-expect naman na niya iyon. Pero nasasaktan siya sa nangyayari.
And then in her heart, she knew and she finally acknowledged it. She fell in love with her husband in such a short amount of time. Pag-ibig na kahit ngayon pa lang niya naramdaman ay alam niyang matindi. Naidasal na lang niya na makayanan niya ang nakatakdang paghihiwalay nila ngayon pa lang. Dahil kahit wala naman talaga silang tunay na relasyon ay nasasaktan na siya.
Mabilis siyang lumabas ng hotel room ng lalaki, dahil hindi na siya makahinga sa reyalisasyon sa isip niya. Papasok na sana siya sa sariling suite nang marinig niyang tinatawag siya ni John.
“Ayessa!”
Mabilis itong nakalapit sa kanya. “Look. I’m sorry. You knew this is gonna to happen…”
“I know John... And you don’t have to say sorry,” she said, pilit ginagawang kaswal ang tinig. “I should be the one to say thank you, dahil sa perang ibinigay mo. Tama ka, malaking tulong iyon sa problema ng pamilya ko,” she said with utmost sincerity. “Thank you, really.”
He stared at her, like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. They just stood there for awhile, staring at each other, only their eyes talking, parehong pinagsasawa ang mga mata sa isat-isa.
“I have to go,” she said after awhile. “I’m so tired and I know you are, too.” At mabilis siyang pumasok sa suite niya.
Naiwan si John na matagal na nakatayo lang sa labas ng pinto, nagtatalo ang isip kung ano ang gagawin. The woman affected him like nobody else and it was driving him crazy. He didn’t want any emotional attachment with a woman right now. He knew if he let himself, it will complicate his current lifestyle. All he wanted was to enjoy his life to the fullest. That was why he didn’t want to obey his urge to go to her. He literally restrained himself and just stared at the door of her suite.
Ayessa was inside her suite, leaning at the door. Still holding the door knob she prayed that John wouldn’t knock or call her name. Alam niyang bibigay siya kung ano man ang gusto nitong mangyari. Dahil nabasa niya kanina sa mga mata nito ang matinding pangangailangan para sa kanya. She saw something in his eyes. He wanted her, just like she wanted him.
Mayamaya ay naramdaman ni Ayessa ang pag-alis ng lalaki. She peeped on the door hole and saw he was gone. But she wanted to see him for the last time. She slowly opened the door, hoping she could steal a glimpse of him before he entered his room.
Nagulat pa siya ng mukha ni John ang nakita niya sa pagbukas ng pinto. Nakasandal ito sa gilid kaya hindi niya nasilip kanina. His face was so close, she could feel his breath on her face and he was staring at her like he was surprised to see her again.
John could smell her sweet scent assaulting not only his senses but his whole being. He wasted no time and claimed her mouth in a heated kiss.
God... she smells so good, her lips so soft and so sweet... He slowly pushed her inside and kicked the door closed behind him while he continued kissing her thoroughly.
“John... please...” she said softly when he let her lips go so they both can both breathe.
John stared Ayessa’s beautiful face, the raw desire coursing though his body increasing with his every breath. “I want you....” he declared. But he knew too that he should stop this now. God help him, but how?
He couldn’t control himself anymore. He kissed her again. He wanted to touch and kiss every part of her. His hand found her breast while the other hand unzipped her dress, dragging the fabric down her shoulders. He unhooked her bra. His mouth left hers, slowly making its way downwards, leaving a trail of wet kisses on her face and neck.
He heard her soft moan when his lips came in contact with her bosom. He licked one soft, firm breast, almost bit that dark pink bud at the center, and then, he sucked it. She moaned louder. He did the same with the other one, ‘til her hands were clutching his hair tightly.
“God, I want you…I want you, baby…”
Ayessa was feverish with desire but hearing John’s hoarse voice brought back a fraction of her sanity. She knew this wasn’t right even though she admitted to herself that she loved him. She needed to stop this before she lost herself completely to those unbelievable sensations this man was giving her, before she drowned completely with him, no matter how much she wanted him, too.
“Is this part of the payment too, John?”
Naramdaman niya ang pagkatigalgal nito, nahinto sa ginagawa. Tinitigan siya na parang hindi nito naintindihan ang sinabi niya, mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa kanyang mga braso.
Then, as fast as a lightning he was out of the room. Out of her life, forever. She couldn’t believe the pain she felt, the loss of him, the painful realization that she and John had no future together.
Umiyak ng umiyak si Ayessa. Kung sinabi lang sana ni John na may nararamdaman din ito sa kanya kahit kaunti lang. Kahit siguro pagkukunwari lang, alam niya bibigay siya sa gusto nito. She loved him so much!
Hindi niya alam na sa pagpunta niya sa Amerika ay mararanasan niya ang umibig at mabigo nang sabay. Sa mahabang sandali ng kanyang pagdadalamhati ay may nabuong balak.
Aalis na siya. Hindi na magpapakita sa lalaki. Dahil kung makikita niya pa niya ito bukas ay malamang na malaman na rin nito ang tunay niyang nararamdaman. Hindi na niya kaya pang magkunwari. Baka hindi niya kayanin kapag sabihin nito na wala itong pagtingin sa kanya.
Tiningnan niya ang oras. It was almost five in the morning. Kailangan na niyang kumilos.
John was in his own suite, still wide awake and thinking about the things that transpired earlier, starting with the wedding ceremony. He couldn’t forget Ayessa’s face without her eyeglasses, wearing the white dress he’d bought for her. See looked so beautiful and so innocent as she walked toward him to the mini-altar, and for a moment, he totally lost himself. Pakiramdam niya ay sila lamang ang naroon sa chapel and he let himself fantasize that they were marrying because they loved each other. But of course they were foolish thoughts. He had married her to avoid marrying another woman! He should never forget his reason for marrying her.
Buong araw ay pinilit niyang balewalain ang presensya ni Ayessa. But it was very hard. She was a powerful force that constantly pulled at his attention. He tried to rationalize that he was just a man reacting normally to a beautiful woman. Pero niloloko niya ang sarili. Hindi siya takot sa tawag ng kanyang puson, kundi sa tawag ng kanyang damdamin. He was afraid because he had never felt such intense feelings for anybody, particularly for a woman. Only now. With Ayessa. And he didn’t like it, not a bit. But all he wanted to do all day was to make love to her, to make love to his wife.
Wife. Natawa siya. Hindi niya matanggap kung bakit magaan sa damdamin niya ang isiping asawa na niya si Ayessa, na totoong mag-asawa na sila. Marahil ay iyon ang dahilan kaya hindi na niya napigil ang sarili kanina. Dahil alam niyang legal silang mag-asawa, that somehow gave him license to touch her…
Napapikit siya nang maalala ang maamong mukha nito, ang mabangong hininga, ang malambot na katawan na alam niyang hindi niya makakalimutan sa mga darating na araw.
Fuck! For the first time in his life, a woman occupied his mind all day and all night.
Nang magising siya kinabukasan, nalaman niyang wala na si Ayessa. For awhile, he felt panic and he wanted to tear the whole place down looking for her. She had left him!
But reason returned fast. Mabuti na ring umalis na ito. Iyon lang din ang dapat na mangyari, ang hindi na sila magkita pa. Ayaw man niyang aminin, pero sumama ang loob niya nang hindi ito nagpaalam sa kanya. Pero bakit inaasahan pa niya ‘yon, pagkatapos ng nangyari sa kanila kagabi? Dapat ay magsaya siya. He was still a free man. Kasal sila pero nasa kanya lahat ang kapangyarihan para mapawalang-bisa ang kasal na iyon.
He decided to celebrate by going to the Palms Playboy. Nakapalibot sa kanya ang mga nagseseksihang mga bunnies pero mukha lang ni Ayessa ang nakikita niya, wala ng iba.
Ayessa. His wife. His soon to be ex-wife.